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It was May 2005, and I had just qualified as a Fitness Instructor. Little did I know that this year would mark a turning point in my relationship with myself and food. As a new fitness professional, I had a perception that being slim, strong, and resembling the bodies in magazines was the standard. However, when I looked in the mirror, I saw a girl who was out of shape and chubby. I felt like I didn't match the image of the ideal fitness instructor. At the time, I was a size 10.
This sudden shift in my perception led me down a dangerous path. I started watching every morsel of food I ate, restricting myself from certain foods, cutting out sugar, and avoiding anything high in fat or that could potentially make me "big." I became obsessed with food and what I was eating. Additionally, I was training at the gym every day, becoming equally obsessed with exercise.
But this "strict diet" had severe consequences for both my body and mind. I was constantly tired, unable to concentrate, moody, and easily irritable. I wasn't happy with anything or anyone. Even the mere smell of food made me sick when passing by a restaurant or food shop. I developed a fear of eating because I didn't want to gain weight.
I found myself trapped in a never-ending cycle of restricting food and pushing my body through intense workouts. I despised the person I had become—an exhausted, grumpy, and constantly dissatisfied girl. I grew tired of this unhealthy relationship I had with food and knew that if I continued down this path, I would seriously harm myself.
I decided it was time to change. Slowly but surely, I reintroduced myself to food. I started eating more, albeit in smaller portions, and increased the frequency of my meals. I also began to exercise less, allowing myself rest days between workouts.
Gradually, I started to feel better about myself. My energy levels increased, and my mood swings began to disappear. I regained my ability to concentrate and felt happier overall.
My journey to self-acceptance and recovery inspired me to help others facing similar struggles with eating disorders. Determined to make a difference, I embarked on further studies and qualified as a Level 4 Obesity and Diabetes Practitioner. Drawing from my own experiences, I created a 12-week Weight Management program that I delivered for over four years in various communities across London.
This unique program aimed to educate individuals referred by health practitioners about nutrition, physical activity, behaviour change, and the complex relationship they had with themselves and food. I cherished the opportunity to share my own journey with these groups, reassuring them that they were not alone in their struggles. Witnessing the participants transform their habits and lifestyles within just 12 weeks was incredibly fulfilling. The change they achieved went beyond the physical—it encompassed profound behavioural shifts.
I learned a valuable lesson throughout my journey—no matter what size or shape your body is, it's essential to accept and love yourself. No external appearance or societal expectation should determine your self-worth. As I recovered and reclaimed my own sense of self, I understood that the acceptance of one's true self is the most significant accomplishment one can achieve.
If you are currently going through a similar journey, I want you to know that you are not alone. You have the power to change your relationship with yourself and food, seeking help and support along the way. Remember, what truly matters is not how your size or shape may be, but how you feel inside and the acceptance you have for yourself. If you have any questions or simply need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to reach out.
Much Love,
Lenka 💓